For Those Ordinary People Longing to be Extraordinary

i am a regular girl.
no, no really I am
i mean i can get fancy – this make up, my love of wine, food,  art (in that order)
but I am a regular woman
phenomenally regular.
beating a consistent beat
daily
the bap bap bap bim bap bap bap bim
sounds of a regular and ordinary day
like the sound of rain beating on a tin roof
and it’s sound of comfort

i have longed to be exotic and amazing
to be noticed by someone special for how unusual I am
for people to “get” my vision
and the truth is, I wasted all that time
waiting
wishing
hoping

that someone would see me for the unnamed star, undiscovered
a burning white hot star
but we, the ordinary people are often the invisible ones
the ones that keep the lights burning
and the cars running
and make all of the visible, extraordinary people
extraordinary

but my ordinariness, is what makes me that extraordinary

that i shine silently, brilliantly, beautifully

even when no one else is looking

and that is the definition of character

who am i when no one else is looking?

i rather think God’s partial to the ordinary woman or man
blessings, honor, nobel movements, a fight for fairness, a call to arms, come through ordinary people who felt an extraordinary calling

for my parents and my grandparents, my great aunts and their mothers and fathers

all ordinary, everyday people

who were extraordinary to me and in their pockets of the world

but they planted the seeds of something extraordinary inside me

i thank you

i owe you the gift of causing extraordinary and divinely inspired shift & change in the world

even if it means I am kind to someone when they don’t deserve it

or just follow what you told me to do and fulfill my dreams

or maybe it’s that I’ll be that mother someday

or the wife

or just comfort those in need

or maybe I’ll just write

but I will be sure that you and all of those before you are remembered

and this is what happens when ordinary people discover they’re not really that ordinary,

and listen to the vision calling inside of them for excellence

 

be who you are

 

Why It’s Important to Invest…In Others (and Yourself)

 

Lately I have been thinking of what it means to invest in others.

Sowing, good soil…

I cannot say this enough – it’s important for us to build relationships and connections.  It’s important to lift others up.  We should be working on this daily.  It’s not a one off situation.  It’s something happening daily.  Although we’re in a recession and many of us are short on extra cash it doesn’t  mean our resources are short or slight.  This isn’t a season of lack, it’s a season to examine the real bounty in your life and set yourself up to be in a better position.  It’s a season to be creative with the resources we’ve been given. Remember the parable of the talents?  The Master of the household gives three men the same amount and asks them to do what they will with it (Matthew 25: 14-28 NIV).

  14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

   19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

   21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

   22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

   23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

   24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

   26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

   28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

So in other words, whatever you’ve been given – work to multiply it.  Work to increase what you’ve been given.  Burying what you’ve been blessed with doesn’t do any good for you or anyone else.  Seriously.

And what about the Parable of the Sower? (Mark 4:3-9)

3 “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

 9 Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

This is the season of talents.  A season to sow.  Are your actions falling on good soil? How creative can you be?  Can you use the resources at your hands in order to make some things happen?  Of course you can.  It isn’t always about money.  So one of the things I do – and try to do it on a regular – is invest in others.  Let me tell you what this looks like:

  1. Encouragement to those around you.
  2. Being fully present and able to listen.
  3. Lack of judgment for how others are living their lives (unless of course they are on a Ricky Bobby fast-track to the invisible fire – you may want to intervene then).
  4. Cooking a favorite meal to comfort someone.
  5. Anticipating someone’s needs before they have to ask me to do something.
  6. Giving a gift without expectation of anything in return.
  7. Lightening someone’s load – this usually comes in the form of good deeds, random acts of kindness, etc.

Sowing. This is where you’re really working and cannot exactly see the pay off now, but you’re delaying gratification for a better tomorrow. Let me also say this specifically can look like all of those difficult things and tasks you have absolutely no desire to handle.  This is more like an investment in yourself.  It may also appear as investment in others at times (because investing in others is investing in yourself and your future). You have faith that by creating a storehouse you’ll be able to use it one day.  You’ll have need for it.  You are in fact creating a surplus.  Momentum.   What does sowing look like?

  1. Tackling those things that are most debilitating.  This could be dealing with your credit (amen…Lord bless my credit), this could be handling debt, clearing away clutter from your house.  In other words, all of the work I’ve been putting off – this is part of what I consider sowing.
  2. Studying and perfecting a craft or hobby and turning it into a profession, a side hustle an income winning, way-making force.  I’m writing.  So how can I improve it?  Take a seminar?  A class? Teach another person? Blog in other places? Send those pitch letters I’m scared to send? Write when I’m reaaaaallllly not in the mood? Point is, butt in chair even on the days I’m not feeling it.  It will look different for you, but it’s always the same concept.  We often think we have to “be inspired” or “feel up to it” or have those ideas.  Those are lies and foolishness.  Do the work.
  3. Saving money.
  4. Learning how to do something that you know is important for your life and the way you live it.  Ex. cooking, budgeting, being kind to older people.  Pick an area you know you need to improve in.  And you better not tell me there’s no area where you need improvement.  You do.  I do.  We all do.
  5. Putting things in order. I know this is vague, but I mean it to be broad.  This may mean re-organizing your house. Changing the people you spend time with.  What’s important – most important to you and your life? What’s most precious to you?  Order your steps accordingly.  If you don’t know, pray and ask for the Divine Inspiration to assist you.  Trust me.  You’ll realize it.
  6. Making good on your promises.  To yourself, your loved ones.
  7. Reconnecting with the right people.  Aligning yourself with the ones that are the difference makers in your life.
  8. Ability to be honest with yourself and have honest conversations about 1) where you are at this moment and 2) where you want to go.  If you have no idea what your position is, how do you know which direction you’re headed?  If you’re not sure what you want or where you’re going, it’s hard to ask for directions.

All of the things I’ve listed above are things I am trying my hardest to work on.  It’s a lot.  It’s overwhelming some days.  Some days I make no progress – or what appears to me as no progress.  But I am here to tell you some days progress is just honoring where you are, yourself and your loved ones.  Being able to be good to them.  There are different seasons in our lives and each season calls for a different way of investing.  This may be a season where you need to focus on yourself to be the best person you can for your family – to improve their lives.

The love of my life often tells me it’s important to communicate how you’re feeling (I struggle with this – getting better, but Jesus be a fence). I add this piece because people need to know where you are in your life.  Maybe you need to cut back on all of the altruistic gestures?  Maybe you should buy yourself a nice lunch, that fancy typewriter you’ve always wanted, set up a special area in your house for yourself to work, get that pedicure, take those few days off on a vacay with yourself.  I’m not an expert, but I think you get the idea.

So are you sowing this season?  Think you can live up to your own talents?

I believe you can….

Love,

Rae

Industrial Love, Richmond

20120402-170138.jpg

20120402-170210.jpg

20120402-170235.jpg

20120402-170308.jpg

20120402-170334.jpg

20120402-170346.jpg

20120402-170356.jpg

20120402-170410.jpg

20120402-170421.jpg

20120402-170440.jpg

20120402-170455.jpg

20120402-170508.jpg

20120402-170525.jpg

20120402-170538.jpg

20120402-170602.jpg

20120402-170621.jpg

20120402-170635.jpg

20120402-170656.jpg

20120402-170723.jpg

20120402-170738.jpg

I hope all of you have been weller than well. I thought I’d change it up a bit!

I have this thing, this love for industrial cities.  The more warehouses, abandoned buildings, the more I seem to love it.  Blame my blue-collar, hard-working family and Detroit beginnings with a touch of the “Pittsburgh of the South,” Birmingham, Alabama and you have a recipe for this love of pre-war buildings.  Buildings that are old and dilapidated.   Those that have been re-engineered.  I love them.

I went to Richmond for the day to see my cousin.  It just so happens I was in for a beautiful industrial surprise.

I plan to do more of these photo posts in the coming months.  Thoughts?

Love,

Rae

My Guest Post “On Being Open”

Hey Loves!

How are you?  I recently wrote a guest post for the Up 4 Discussion website which is celebrating women this month!!!  You know I have to support when it comes to celebrating us! There are so many awesome posts over there, so be sure to check them out.  I have a few great posts in the works and will be posting those before the close of the week.

Check out an excerpt from my post below and be sure to visit Up 4 Discussion to continue reading.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~  Anaïs Nin

Being more fluid, more open, to the ebbs and flows of life is the key to having the fullest life possible.  Having a stiff neck skews our perspective.  I’m worried about us as women many days and this includes me.  For every one of us open to new experiences, new people, new food, new jobs, new relationships, there are many terrified to make a move.  Have you ever been so scared you’re literally petrified?  Frozen in time?  Cannot even think of moving – anything in any way.  I’ve been there.  Some days I still find myself in that place.  We. Need. To. Stop. It.

We cannot grow or progress when we’re not open.   

I want us to be able to see God’s plan as He reveals it.  Just because God gives us an assignment doesn’t mean He won’t add on to it in the middle.  Change baby.  You ask for increase?  He can provide it any way He sees fit. 

All roads aren’t straight.  They are often set with curves, detours, winding and sometimes treacherous stretches.  Along the way there is beautiful scenery, straight stretches, rest stops, funky stores to waste your money at, great restaurants and opportunity – and each other and our relationship with God. 

I believe this is one of those areas where we as women have to grow and evolve.  It’s why most of us are always stressed out!!! Many of us are perfectionists.

Click here to continue reading….

If You Don’t Like My Peaches Why Do You Shake My Tree?

My name is Blossom
I was raised in a lions den
My name is Blossom
I was raised in a lions den
My nightly occupation
Stealing other womens men
I’m an evil evil woman
But I want to do a man some good
I’m an evil evil woman
But I want to do a man some good
I’m Gina Lola Bridgietta
I ain’t red riding hood
If you don’t like my peaches, baby, why do you shake my tree?
If you don’t like my peaches, baby, why do you shake my tree?
Get out of my orchid, baby
Let my peach tree be
Now don’t you ooh skoodla doo skoodli dee
And I won’t ya ya doo doo
If you don’t ooh skookdla doo
Then I won’t ya ya doo doo
So don’t you ooh skoodla doo skoodli dee
And I won’t ya ya doo doo
Some men like me cause I’m happy
Some think I’m snappy
Some call me honey
And some think I’ve got
But Grey Brown told me that I was built for speed
You put them all together
Everything a good man needs
You put them all together
Everything a good man needs

– Blossom’s Blues

Listen to the song here:

The titles says it all.  Do you understand what it really means?

In my version, it asks what does it mean to really have someone who’s interested in you?  Or not.  I mean, in other words….

If you’re not interested, why are you steaming up my tail???

It may be Blossom’s Blues, but damn if I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

Ever been with someone who is hot one day and cold the next?  I can’t.  I think I used to be able to tolerate it, but at this point in the game, I can’t handle it any more.  So, if you’re shaking my tree, you better be loving these peaches.

Was just listening to this song the other day coming home thinking about all of the places and stages of being I’ve been in with relationships.  You’re into him, he’s not into you.  He’s into you, you’re not into him. The two of you are just friends with benefits.  You are getting benefits, he’s getting none.  He’s getting benefits…you’re getting few.  Y’all bye.  I can’t!!!!  Does anyone feel me?

I think about this time last year and I was in a totally different dynamic than I am now.  In fact, I feel bad for that position that I was in at the time.  It wasn’t something I would take on now.  I should have been in a very different position altogether.  While I wouldn’t do it again, I am thankful for the lessons it taught me because it launched me on to other lessons that needed to be learned during 2011 so I could move on to the goodness of 2012.  And trust me — 2012 is shaping up to be beautiful.  I am thankful for all of God’s blessings.

Funny how God allows you to go through certain things, plow through the fields and the layers in order to get to your best self, your best life, your best “crop” so to speak.

I say all that to say, I’m working on a balance as we speak.   Accepting grace.  Putting it all together.  Preserving my peaches.  No more tree shaking for me.

Where are you in this year?  Allowing people to shake your tree? Collecting and preserving your own peaches?  I mean, tell me…how are you?

My Random 7 Series Feature with the Up4Dsn Blog!

Hey Everyone!!!  Just a quick post to let you know I was featured with the Random 7 Series on the Up4Dsn blog.  “J”, the creator of the blog started conversing over a post at Single Black Male on one of the many series of posts they put up.   It was nice to find out he has such a great blog and then he decided to feature me on his Random 7 Series!  Thank you J!!

With the Random 7 Series, “J” chooses seven random questions and then sends them to you.  I had read other bloggers Random 7s and my answers I would have given to the questions seemed so easy!!  Then he sent me my seven and all of that changed.  It took me over a week to answer everything.  Why?  I don’t know.  I am never short on an opinion.  Maybe because I knew these answers would be in print forever?  Maybe because it was like being at a new school or church and you wonder if the kids will like you?  <<<<  I do really think it was that.  At any rate,  it was such a good experience for me!!

Here’s an excerpt:

1) Who are three people of the opposite sex that you consider the most attractive?
Forest Whitaker – smart, unusual sex appeal and has a mean look.  He appears brilliant. Quirky and looks like he can tell you to have a seat and well, you’ll have a seat.

Chiwetel Ojiofor – I just adore his acting skills and roles he chooses.  Brilliant.  The British accent doesn’t hurt. 

Don Cheadle – a chameleon of sorts.  Also a thinker and seemingly brilliant. 

Honorable mentions: Braylon Edwards, Michael Ealy, Justin Tuck, Hugh Jackman, Dwayne Johnson, Jose James, Idris Elba.

2) If you could clone yourself, would you do it? Why or why not?
No.  My other super powers conflict with cloning.  Too much awesomeness in too many places.  Who can handle all that?  You ask what superpowers I have? That’s another post.   Besides, clones can’t be controlled.  Has anyone watched Battlestar Gallactica?  Clones may not be as kind or awesome as I work to be.  One of me roaming the world is really enough.

Continue reading…

To read the rest of the  Random 7 Series, pop around the Up4Dsn blog for a bit and check out the podcasts too!  “J” does a great job at asking questions, creating dialogue and featuring the most interesting people!!

For me, this is such a great way to begin the year as a blogger and creative person and I’m thankful.   Check it out and be sure to comment and let me know your thoughts on my questions & answers!

 

Much love,

Rae

What Happens When Your Worst Fears are Realized?

“If I were to answer it just kind of bold-faced, I would say what scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me … What scares me the most is not knowing and accepting that just about everything is not in my control. That makes me feel unsafe….I used to think that what scared me was the idea of being abandoned until someone said to me, ‘Only children can be abandoned. Adults can’t be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don’t have a choice.’ So I started to rethink. ‘OK, it’s not that. What’s the underlying thread that really scares me?’ I think what scares me is not having the courage to reach my full potential … That I would allow fear, insecurity, and doubt to rule me and that I would ask for only a little of what is actually there for me. It would mean that I would be settling.” ~ Demi Moore

courtesy of Page Six‘s article on Demi Moore’s Haaper’s Bazaar interview.

I need to speak on this today.  Probably because I’m fearful at this very moment.   I started writing this post on December 19 and it’s been sitting.  I was already feeling uneasy then for good reason that just continued to escalate.  When I read the quote above today from Demi, it really hit home. I need to thank her for her candor and for being open.  This statement got me right together.

I knew it was time to send this post out.  I’m not the only one who’s afraid.  She spoke about how I’ve been feeling.   Maybe that I’m fearful of the future and what’s coming.  I’m fearful of what I have no control over.  Fearful of not being loved.  Fearful of not doing the right thing or reaching my full potential.  Of losing the most valuable people in life.  Of the uncertainty of it all.

But how am I supposed to handle fear when it’s right at my door and about to come in and have a drink with me?  What happens when it greets me in the morning when I wake up?  That up-in-my-face-all-in-my-damn-business sort of fear.  I  can’t escape it.  It doesn’t plan on going anywhere.  It’s right there.  Sitting on me.  What do I do then?  Here’s a few of the things I do:

  1. Pray
  2. Get thankful. I remind myself of what I’ve gotten through at this point.  I reminisce over the good and the love in my life. It helps reset my tone.
  3. Assure myself said situation isn’t permanent.  Most things are in passing.  It’s about getting over a wave.  If said situation is permanent, there wouldn’t be anything I can do about it.  Or is there?  Am I just in panic mode because I feel hopeless?
  4. Seek help.  This is important.  There should be at least a couple of people who I don’t have to hide my true feelings or tears or nervous breakdowns aka panic attacks.
  5. Hide. This doesn’t solve anything but sometimes, just being able to be away from it all has helped me.  I “hide” at home or at a trusted friend’s “safe” space home.
  6. Take a nap.  Reset.  Start over.
  7. Breathe.
  8. Cry.
  9. Get a new plan of attack when things seem to fall apart.
  10. Find someone else that may need my help more than I feel the need to feel sorry for myself.

Thinking about everything that’s happened over the last few years, there were so many things I feared happening that STILL came to pass.  Some people will say it was the fear that brought it to pass.  Others would say maybe I knew things were coming and I was prepped in advance.  I don’t think it was either.  I just think it’s life.  Shit happens.  It’s about how you manage that shit and navigate it.  Me being afraid didn’t change anything.  Me standing still didn’t stop life.  Choosing not to move, not to fight, not to do anything is still a choice.

I admit here and now, I don’t always succeed at managing my fear.  Sometimes, I just have to stay home in bed and pull it together.  Sometimes it’s caused me to make the wrong decisions or just drop everything and not fight. Instead, I took flight. Because I didn’t face up to some things, I think I lost some valuable situations and people.  However, each situation was a learning process.   Sometimes running makes things worse.

All of us handle these things in different ways.  Sometimes it’s about loss -  the death of a loved one or it’s about a partner or spouse leaving.   The most amazing relationship suddenly falls apart.  It could be the loss of a significant amount of money, it could be unforeseen  illness or debt.  It could be a betrayal of trust.  It could be disappointment in ourselves or about where we are in our life.  Or about our own actions.  Or fear of the truth.  Fear of the truth!  Fear of having to face the inevitable.  What about the anticipation of the unknown?  Yup.  Afraid of that too.

By the way, everything on the above list has taken place in my life over the last few years in some form.   Each one has it’s own story.

But here’s the best part of it all -

When the worst of my fears were realized, I was freed.   I mean, I’m going to admit all kinds of shit has rained down.  But as it has, as I’ve forced myself to face it, I’ve become just a little bit braver, just a little bit more fierce and a little bit less fearful.  I work hard at being more brave these days.

So many things are out of my (our) control until most of the time, there’s no reason for the worry in the first place.  It doesn’t help with what I need to do and where I need to go.  It doesn’t stop things from happening around me.  It only paralyzes me.  I will say fear can save your hide, but that’s a discussion for another time.  I’m not speaking about caution today or how we process all of the warning signs that arrive before something tragic happens.  In this case, I don’t classify this as fear.  That’s intuition, caution, discernment.  I (we) should listen when that’s the voice that’s speaking.  There’s a difference.  It’s not negative.  It’s cautionary, warning.  Loving.

This fear I’m speaking of as mentioned above, is a nay-sayer.  It’s abusive.  It takes an unfair advantage over your movements and your mind and spirit.   It can wrap it’s bony little icy fingers and hold you down.  It’s not Godly.  It’s something different.  It’s the kind that talks you out of the good things appearing in your life.  It’s the kind that has you confused and making terrible, rushed and inappropriate decisions.

So, I just wanted to get this off my chest today and confess.  Yes, I am afraid.  I’m not as brave as everyone thinks I am.  I just have faith.  I have hope. I believe I can make it through because of who God created me to be and because He’s with me every step of the way.  I know where my help comes from.  Why should I be afraid?

Marianne Williamson said, “Sometimes we need to tell our fear to go to hell because that’s exactly where it came from.”

Today, I’m telling my fear to go to hell.  I encourage you to do the same.

Love,

Rae

Thangs Twen Leven Taught Me aka My 21 Thoughts About 2011

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”  ~ Zora Neale Hurston

I love this quote.  I do believe this year asked some questions and answered others for me.  It’s been a trying year.  From what I have been able to tell, it’s been a trying year for many people.  Maybe it was the spirit of the year, to be tried and tested.  For me it’s one of those Psalm 119:71 style years, but I have gleaned some serious lessons from it and discovered a few amazing things about myself in the process.

  1. I need to learn to partner with God more.  He never leads me wrong.  This doesn’t mean my life will be perfect and without any trouble.  It does mean I don’t have to fear anything.  I admit, I generally appear very brave about things, but there are just some things that outright terrify and worry me.  I need to stop this because well, what’s for me is for me.  And He is in control.
  2. There is nothing more important than my own well being.  It’s always the first order of business next to a relationship with Him.  If I’m not in a good place, it’s up to me to either fix it or ask for help if I don’t know how.  I can’t help others unless I help myself.
  3. People matter.   Spend all the time you can with people you love.  Comfort them, be there for them, help them and love them.
  4. People are going to walk away.  It’s ok.  This blog really took off when someone I cared for walked away from me with little to no explanation.  By being freed up, it resulted in many other lessons I would not have had. I would have missed meeting some wonderful people this year and having amazing experiences.  I’m thankful for the time we had and almost more thankful I had to go through.  I count it all joy.
  5. Count it all joy.   Yup – when I mention it twice, it’s important.
  6. Sometimes I need to walk away.  For a while I regretted leaving a previous job, leaving some people behind, cutting off  certain relationships and not being present for other things or events.  I know now, it was alright to do this.
  7. Forgiveness.  I mean of myself here.  It’s so important and I work on it daily.  I’ve failed more times than this blog has room to express.  Those failures, bad decisions and transgressions led me here.  Led me to get to know You and you.  So, I don’t regret it.  But what I have found is I do beat myself up over it.  This – well, I started to sit back and work on that this year.  Forgiving yourself gives you the ability to forgive others around you.  It opens you up to the possibilities life really has in store for you.  Without forgiving yourself, you’ll try to sabotage all the good appearing in your life.
  8. Pairing down and moving into a smaller, cheaper apartment changed my life.   I moved into a neighborhood in NE DC.  Moving here gave me a different perspective of the city.  It opened me up to new ideas on where I can and cannot live.
  9. Facing my debt this year – living up to what’s owed.  I decided it was time to begin taking it seriously and not looking at it as if it would just disappear without me working on it.  Confronting it (and it’s a daily battle that I don’t always win) has helped me face other issues.
  10. This year, I learned to cope with disappointment better. How to forgive more.  How to reconcile and have the strongest relationships possible.   In other words, my Corinthians 1:13 I keep screaming about – yeah, it got put to the test without a doubt.  I am a better woman for it.
  11. My gut, my intuition, the still quiet voice – is always right.  This year, answered any doubt I’ve had about it.  As long as I listen to it, I have never been misguided.
  12. I am ok in the place I am in now.  No matter how many times I think I “should be” doing something else or be farther along in my path, I have to realize this is all a process.  It’s life.  It’s my life.  No need to compare with others.  Maybe there were lessons I needed to learn.  Wisdom to be gained.  People who needed to be in my life.  People who needed to leave from my life.
  13. Progress is how you measure it.  Insert old church cliché – “I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.”
  14. Love really is all it’s cracked up to be.  I’ll say this – if you have it or if you don’t, most people recognize it’s value.  Be sure to give it.  Be ready to receive it.  So often, it’s right there in my face and I hold back or I can’t receive it.  This tug of war ended this year.  I gave into it.
  15. Showing your feelings – happiness, love, disappointment, anger, hurt, excitement – those are so important.  Learning to be transparent in your closest relationships and being able to fully be yourself – that’s what freedom is about.  People want to love a real you.  Not the person you think they want.  Be yourself.
  16. It’s ok for me to change my mind.  There are some things I started this year and realized it wasn’t the time.  Everything has a season.  If I had kept up on a road I was going down, I would have missed meeting someone who is very special to me and has become important in my life.
  17. This year, I learned how to be more open.  I learned how to accept help – and ask for help.  I realized after being on my own for so long, I was set in some of my ways.  Those ways weren’t exactly serving me, so I needed to work on being more open.  More open to allowing my loved ones to step in and help me.
  18. I learned this year I love to write more than I thought.  I also learned I can put myself out there without fear.   Writing & blogging takes chutzpah and moxy.
  19. Anything worth having and loving takes hard work.  Work  I may or may not want to do all the time.  Though without putting in the work, nothing beautiful will be created.  This year, I jumped in and got my hands dirty in the trenches.  Life isn’t always about things being perfect and clean.  (shoutout to my OCD crew who shudders at this thought)
  20. I promised myself not to involve myself in certain situations this year.  I mostly accomplished this.  And then I got some hard lessons on why this is even more important.
  21. Belief in God.  Then belief in self.  I always believe in God.  I just need to put this in there because although I have faith in Him, I don’t always believe in myself.  But why?  If He’s created a good thing in me, isn’t He bound to finish it?  I say yes.

So there are my lessons for 2011.  I could have taken this list to 50 if I really got started.   I have plans for 2012 and will post those in the coming days.  I’m not the kind of girl who makes resolutions anymore.  I’d rather not post any promises I cannot keep.  Blogging keep me honest.

Praying for a safe and amazing year for my loved ones, family, friends.

Wishing all of you a stellar 2012 with love!

Rae

Stop Apologizing for Who You Are….Be Who You Want to Be

This post is dedicated to those who live their lives unapologetically.

I was reading an article on Very Smart Brothers the other day about how the writer, Champ,  is in love with Issa Rae and Tracey Oliver.   His article pointed out what is obvious, but not so obvious – that when all the critics decided to come down on the writers of Awkward Black Girl, the creators Issa Rae and Tracey Oliver responded with this:

An Open Response from Tracy Oliver & Issa Rae

Some of our viewers may have been offended by some of the language in our recent episode. We take this matter especially to heart, considering the CFC and members of the LGBT community were among the first to embrace ‘The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl.’

Since our first episode debuted in February this year, ‘Awkward Black Girl’ has received an incredible outpouring of support from hundreds of thousands of fans. We love and appreciate each and every one of our fans! In return, we strive to provide a show that uses irreverent comedy and humor to address the oftentimes uncomfortable situations that many people have experienced at some point or another in their lives.

In creating a series of this nature, we are willing to accept the praise when the jokes work and the feedback when they may not.

Sincerely, Issa & Tracy

And these women didn’t apologize.

It took me a while to think about it.  In fact, I’ve slept on it for a few days after reading not only their apology but The Champ’s response to it as well.

I took note of it.  I believe in their approach.  Stop apologizing for what I create.  Be able to stand by what I create.  Be able to stand by who I am and my choices.

It made me take stock of how I conduct myself.  Am I too apologetic?  Am I always worried about what others are thinking?  What if I write this blog post and folks tear it up?  I mean, why should I care?

I am a believer in living life unapologetically.  That’s not to say I never apologize.  Sometimes my ass is just flat-out wrong and an apology is due.  However, it takes knowing yourself very well to know when you’re in the wrong versus when someone isn’t trying to gaslight you into believing their load of bullshit and force you to submit.

Nay I say, nay.

Raenote: You can be unapologetic and unwavering.  However, don’t be the person that no one can counsel you or tell you about yourself.  That’s just some crazy shat and you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Being unapologetic means you’re willing to “chart your own course” but are also willing to change it given the need for a change.  If you’re unwavering, to me that means you are reliable and consistent.  You can trust and count on yourself.  Others can trust and count on you as well.  You can trust the decisions you’re making because you’re using discernment and the wisdom you’ve collected.  When the decisions don’t pan out with the results you’ve hoped for, you woman-up and pick up those broken pieces (when you’re ready), heal and move forward.

There is something about a woman who is accountable for her life and what she chooses to add to the world.  I strive to be one of those women.  A good friend of mine, Rodd Klever, advised me I know myself better than I give myself credit for.  He does have a point.  I am also sure I’m always going to chart my own course.  I may take a detour from time to time, but if people want to walk, then we need to be going in the same direction, same path.

I admire Issa Rae and Tracy Oliver.  They are successful because they chose to follow their own instincts, their guts and put things out there in a way others haven’t before.  The way they wanted to do it.  This is also known as being an innovator.  They are setting the mark and the tone for others to follow behind them.

Mostly, for me, they are inspirational.  They make me realize (without them trying), that all of those posts I don’t think I should write, should probably be written.   Things I think shouldn’t be said should be spoken.  It’s always about presentation.   They remind me of my desire to live unapologetically, to have no regrets.  People respect you when you hold your ground and are unwavering.

I feel a shift coming on, blog growth & change, author growth and change.

Truthfully, I have debated on how far I would go with the blog recently.     I believe I have an answer and the green light I needed to move it to the next level.

“If you truly expect to realize your dreams, abandon the need for blanket approval. If conforming to everyone’s expectations is the number one goal, you have sacrificed your uniqueness, and therefore your excellence.” ~ Hope Solo

Love,

Rae

Leaving things under the rocks….Some things are better left alone

I often have life epiphanies when I am in the middle of those solitary moments to include but not be limited to:

  1. Cleaning
  2. Washing dishes
  3. Taking a shower
  4. Driving
  5. Cooking
  6. Somewhere in the middle of twilight sleep
  7. Reading

Not that you needed any of the above information about me, but I’m throwing it in there as a bonus.  Added note: we need those quiet times to have those “aha” moments.  Moving on….

I was washing dishes today and for some reason I was thinking about calling an old friend I grew up with. Then for some reason, I decided not to make that phone call.  Mostly because some things are better left where they are.

I think back to all of the times when I think of people and look them up, only to be disappointed.  About how many “dead” relationships I attempted to resurrect in the name of being a good person, someone who has the spirit of reconciliation, etc etc.  But aren’t some things better left unturned?

When I was a little girl, a tomboy to be precise, we used to like looking for the large rocks that we could actually pick up. Mostly because they held a plethora of things that could be found underneath there that would scatter when the daylight would hit.  We’d lift the rock and then see what would run out from it and then try and collect the things in a jar – good times.   I used to love it!   Once we even found a nest of baby rabbits.  One decided to run away.  I promptly saved him from the boys and took him home to my mother.  She about lost her mind when she saw it but commended me for my heroic efforts.

Since then, I have unturned a lot of figurative rocks.  Some rocks  in my own life where the light needed to shine so to speak.  Other rocks where I should have left them right where they were.  Remember, things hide under rocks for a reason.

Not sure why this was on my mind today, but I was thinking about reconciliation.  What it means and how far I’m really supposed (read – willing) to go in the name of keeping the peace, in the name of restoring the peace.  And should I always be the one who initiates this? I wrote about giving people the gift of goodbye a while back.    However, it’s always so difficult to peace out on those people who you love the most especially when you still adore them.  Or is this just me who feels like this?

How many times do I reach out before I have to just call it a wrap and take it as a loss?  And why is it that our relationships and friendships just can’t go back to being simple and honorable anymore?

Sometimes I wish I could just walk away and not look back.  And maybe that’s really what it’s about – being able to finally walk away and not look back, not having to wonder if I did all I could do.  When I say good-bye I like to make sure it won’t be for the lack of trying on my part. I like to make sure I’m ready to walk away because when I do, I’m not planning to go back.  I may distance myself at times, but I do like to be slow to completely end a friendship.  It actually makes me upset to lose people I love.  The thing is though, if your friends and relationships aren’t serving you and you’re always serving them, then maybe it’s time to do something different.  Maybe it’s time to have a seat and stop the doing.

There is a limit to outreach.  It may hurt at first, but sometimes, it’s just the way it is.   And sometimes, it’s good not to reach out just because it’s nice to know that if I don’t come reconciling with you, that you’ll come and reconcile with me.  Relationships should be symbiotic, not parasitic.

Raenote :  I will say if it’s involving a parent, sibling, child, spouse, long-time friend or REALLY special someone then it’s appropriate to go the extra mile.  When it’s some random person who you spend only a few hours with at a time and gives you more foolishness than peace  – then peace that shit out.

I think some things are better left alone.  Some things are better left unsaid.  Some things are better left under the rock.

And some people things you should throw rocks at – just saying.

Love Y’all,

Rae

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,011 other followers