Love, Take care

Is Toner Necessary?

Possibilities are you’ve heard the beauty term toner around when people discuss their skin care programs. Perhaps it’s even part of your regimen, however you’re not quite sure how it works. Toners have triggered a lot of confusion in the beauty world, however they’ve just recently gotten Lady and Beard and are back in the skin regular game.

Older generation toners included drying alcohol that would remove the pores of its natural oils, however the new items have nixed the alcohol and consist of nourishing components that work to hydrate and rebalance the skin. While its alcoholic days lag it, the question still stays, just what is a toner?

Really, what is a toner?

Toner resembles water however loaded with more hydrogen and oxygen particles. It can also be loaded with other advantageous components like tea tree, increased, salicylic acid, and other skin care fundamentals, depending upon your needs.

Advantages of Toner

Among the virtues of toner is that it can lessen the look of pores. It also stabilizes the skin’s pH levels, bring back an acidic state so that skin is cleansed and much better able to take in wetness and other helpful active ingredients from serums and creams used after.

How do you use a toner?

To use toner, you can fill a cotton pad and use the toner, or mist the toner straight onto skim. It is best to enable the skin to breathe for a couple of seconds after cleaning then use. When the skin is damp, it can soak up active ingredients much better, providing nutrition deeper into the skin.

When should you use toner?

You can consist of toner in your early morning and night regimens. If you are exfoliating or utilizing an extremely drying toner, it’s best to use it every other day and slowly boost use as you construct a tolerance.

Toner was originally developed to stabilize the pH of the skin after cleaning, and was an essential action because many cleansers removed the skin, leaving it out of balance. Nowadays, cleansers have proceeded. Skin care brands are smarter to what the skin needs, so they develop cleansers with active components that do not need the second action of a toner. Toners needed to step up to meet different functions once that 2 action technique was erupted as unneeded. They began being offered as a simple way to double clean, removing any recurring makeup or dirt still left on the skin after cleaning.

Anything removing on the skin offers short-term impacts, making the skin less oily, tighter, and feel smoother, which can seem like a blessing for acne-prone types.

The Alternatives

There are other items that do comparable jobs as toners. Micellar water is developed particularly as a second cleaning action to remove any recurring makeup, dirt, or gunk. Facial mists are an easy way to refresh skin by hydrating and diminishing the look of pores in an instant. Typically, both of these kinds of items are instilled with hydrating, nourishing components much like toners.

The modern-day application of facial toner is spray. Spray facial toners are hassle-free to bring anywhere and supply ease of application. The Italian green mandarin with sweet lime might relieve your skin particularly after a difficult activity. Spray it on when you sweat and provide your skin a little convenience particularly when you are taking a trip.

The appropriate application of skin toners is essential to avoid developing of wrinkles. Put a percentage of your water-based toner on a cotton ball. Carefully use on face utilizing a circular motion. Start the application at your upper neck and after that move up to your forehead utilizing extremely mild light pressure.

Anti aging care toners make your skin feel tighter, work to clarify your skin, and tone your skin after cleaning. They are mainly comprised of water to make your face feel much better hydrated after cleaning. You can not make toners as replacements for moisturizers. The tightening up sensation you experience is an outcome of the alcohol found in most toners. If you pick a toner, attempt to think about taking a look at the components and keep away from those including SD, ethyl, or isopropyl alcohol.

Conclusion

If you already use one or both of these, you can most likely avoid toner– that is, unless you love a regular with all the actions, because skin care is in fact so indulgent.

Love, Take care, Wife

Do toddlers need bed rails?

toddler bed rails

Every parent will be happy, when their little one finally moves into his or her big kid bed to enjoy the new freedom and exciting activities such as jumping up and down. They are very conscious about the overall safety and comfort level of their baby in the bed. They can focus on the best toddler bed rails in detail and make positive changes in their approach for buying the suitable toddler bed rails. They understand that bed rails are very important along with the cozy blankets and super adorable sheets. This is because rails on the toddler’s bed only protect the toddler throughout the sleep time.

The latest collection of bed rails on online

Though the baby is safe when he or she is in a crib, every baby needs rails when they go to their own toddler bed to sleep. This rail on the toddler’s bed keeps the toddler snugs in the bed and preventing himself from falling out. As a parent with a desire to improve your baby’s safety while sleeping, you can prefer and invest in the high-quality rails designed to keep toddler contained in the new bed. Any baby can climb out of the bed when he or she is between 18 and 24 months. It is the suitable time to introduce the suitable bed for your toddler and double-check the safety of your toddler while sleeping on the bed.

Every toddler is a wild sleeper beyond doubt. They do various interesting things like acrobatics while sleeping. They require the best things to protect them during the sleep. Parents of these toddlers can read honest reviews of successful brands of toddler bedrails one after another. They can keep up-to-date with the high-quality yet reasonable prices of toddler bed rails designed and manufactured by leading companies in this sector. If they discuss with specialists in this industry, then they can clarify their doubts and narrow down a huge collection of toddler bed rails as expected. They save both time and money when they successfully choose and invest in bed rails for their toddler.

Prefer and buy high-quality bed rails

High-quality bed rails support your toddlers to stop possibilities of night time falls. It is the right time to use the best suggestions for comparing the best toddler bed rails based on important factors like brand, cost, quality, durability and user-friendliness. In a crib, a baby can roll around as per his wishes. However, the toddler in the bed is eager to do some interesting things such as jumping up and down. Toddler bed rails are suitable for protecting the toddler from possibilities to fall out of the bed. You can spend enough time to purchase and install the best-in-class nature of rails on your toddler’s bed. You will get 100% satisfaction as this bed rail provides the safety barrier to the toddler’s bed and peace of mind while sleeping.

toddler bed rails

Swing down toddler rail is one of the popular types of toddler bed rails on the market at this time. This rail is locked into the upright position and used to form the protective barrier for the toddler. Fixed toddler bed rail looks like the swing down one. However, this product cannot be fold down. The gap in this rail assists your toddler to clip through and not big enough to fall while sleeping. A bumper toddler bed rail sits underneath the sheet on the bed. This product looks like the speed hump. This rail can be easily installed as it held in place by the sheet. Many parents use and recommend this portable toddler bed rail.

Consider the important things

You may be a beginner to the bed rail shopping and think about how to be successful in your approach for the bed rail shopping. You can take note of some important things before exploring the latest collection of bed rails on the market. For example, you have to measure the bed and mattress of your toddler at first. This is worthwhile to look for the overall bed suitability, gaps may be traps, the option to fold down the rail, material, cost, brand, quality and user-friendliness. You have to focus on your child’s movements while sleeping and how to successfully place the rail on the toddler’s bed.

Getting Your Life Together, life, Love

Treat Dandruff in Curly Hair So You Can Look Good

Dandruff that is in curly hair is not easy to treat. One day, you wake up and notice you have more flakes in head then a cotton candy stick. Its everywhere on your head. You scratch it from the left and right. Think it goes away after a few more minutes of scratching. However, you realize its still lodged in there weeks later. Next, you wash hair shampoo daily and hope it goes away next month. But, its still there stuck in your curly hair. So, how do you get rid of something not wanting to leave like dandruff? You use special techniques to make it leave. More info on these techniques below.

dandruff shampoo for curly hair

Understand Dandruff

In order to deal with dandruff the best, you must know what dandruff is. Dandruff is bacteria and a hair disease that makes your hair have white spots for the most part. But, if you were to look at it a little bit closer, you would know that dandruff is something else. Truly, its the dead skin that sheds from your scalp. Dead skin falls off your scalp daily to help the cells regenerate and become stronger for body. After the process, dead skin mixes in with your curly hair. This causes dandruff to form around your head. Now, you fully know what dandruff is now. Consider using the best dandruff shampoo for curly hair to help eliminate dandruff fast.

Because dandruff comes from dead skin, you should be aware it can come back. It might not be next month. But, there is a chance it will come back to your hair in the next 6 months or so. To prepare, buy yourself dandruff shampoo for later and store it in the cabinet. When the dandruff comes back to give you another challenge, you will be there with your fully eraser dandruff shampoo that can make it run.

Wash Dandruff Hair With Dandruff Shampoo

Above all, wash your dandruff hair with dandruff shampoo. Washing your hair with regular shampoo would not be enough. Regular shampoo is not equipped with the right minerals and extracts to clean every flake in your hair. You might be able to get the size of the dandruff to a lower level. But, you will not be able to fully get rid of dandruff. Small pieces of it will be there. It might be lighter and make it harder for you to see. But, you will see it there if you take time to look deeper and focus your eyes. Wash with the best dandruff shampoo for curly hair to separate all flakes from your scalp and hair.

And, dandruff shampoo does a good job in removing excess oil build up. Oil builds up a lot during the summer seasons. Too much oil can cause hair to become stiffer and harder. You don’t want that on your hair.  Hair becomes very stuck and starts to smell worse. Allow it to continue, you will find hair looking like the homeless you guy you saw on the side walk. Everyone will secretly talk about it. Does not look good in the photo shoot either. Keep the oil building up in your hair down by using dandruff shampoo made to keep it out.

Apply Aloe Vera to Scalp

Putting aloe vera on your head is a good way to treat dandruff. Aloe vera is a plant that has many natural minerals that can make your hair better. Uniquely, plant is used with many beauty products designed to clean and help hair growth. In truth, there is nothing wrong aloe vera can do for your body. Though it has a light odor smell, you can use it by cutting it open and spreading it on hair. Inside plant, you will see a green liquid. Do not be alarmed. It is perfectly fine and is cold gel mostly. The way it feels at first is a little weird. It takes a little to get used to. Give it the time and you will see your hair develop stronger, cleaner, healthier, and dandruff free.

Chemicals, Direct Love From Rae, life, life lessons

Choosing the Best Shampoo for Colored Hair is a Little Tricky

Its cool to make your hair a unnatural color. Show off your prettiness to the other girls. Make the guys love you 2 times more. Finding the best shampoo for colored hair can achieve the look. Many options on the market are available today. Most options are not in your best interest though. They seem to provide you with soap that has the ability to make your colors fall out. They won’t be fully out. But, they won’t be fully colorful like first time either. Above all, you need to make sure you get high quality shampoo for colored hair. A more detailed way to do this is listed below.

Use Regular Shampoo or Colored Hair

Choosing the Best Shampoo for Colored Hair is a Little Tricky

Well, using regular shampoo is not better then the colored hair shampoo. But, you don’t have to get it right away. You can wait about 2 weeks to get your hands on colored shampoo. Make sure you get the best shampoo for colored hair though. The cheap stuff will cause your hair to lose colors and possibly fall out. Its ok to use the cheap stuff for about a month. Though, you should really get the high grade colored shampoo for your hair. Atleast, get the highest grade your money can buy.

On one hand, regular shampoo is something you probably have so use it. You can use it for the first couple months or so. Your hair might lose its color, but it won’t be the end of the world. You can always dye your hair again. Besides, you really want to get the colored shampoo but you got to save. That is what you should do. Save your money and get the colored shampoo when you can.

Is Color Safe Shampoo Good for Me

Color-safe shampoo is shampoo you should consider at the store. Look at the label and see if it say color-safe. The person at the register might not know what you mean. It gives you the benefits of shampoo without causing your hair to lose color. Shampoo also causes no harm to hair by use of chemicals. Using this type of shampoo is a guaranteed way to have shampoo that will not cause your hair to have issues you just do not want. The regular shampoo will cause your hair to have issues, so it might be wise to just use this shampoo.

How to Care for Colored Hair Deeply

Using natural ingredient colored shampoo is always the best way to go when washing your hair. People have been doing it for a long time. Natural ingredients are normally accepted by any hair type. Those artificial shampoos can have all sorts of problems that come with it. Natural ingredients tend to add some lift, volume, and lightweight to your colored hair. Want something that gives the best performance, stick to using natural ingredients to give your hair that pristine look.

life, Love

Face Wash is Needed If You Want Healthy Looking Skin

My sister use to always use 20-minute skincare for her face and I thought she was overdoing it, but maybe I was the one that was misjudging. My sister currently looks amazing. Her face glows like the meadow river in the night. She looks very healthy and so clear in the face. Her routing was not a waste of time. I like the way she does things and I would like to tell you more about what face wash is. Maybe it will help you become healthier in the face and make people see a younger you.

Why You Need Face Wash Products

The world is a dirty place. Chemicals pass by you all the time. Unknowingly, you walk through dirt each day and think about daily tasks.  Think about how awful that is. Make sure you have the best Korean face wash for dry skin or face wash for each week. Clean the face week to week and get rid of all the chemicals that can potentially cause your face to look older. Thousands and thousands of nasty air chemicals that you need to get rid of.

Let’s say you don’t go outside much, you still have to worry about the natural dirty oil your body produce by itself. Yes, there is a sebum oil that the body produces naturally. Its not a problem at first. However, it can become a problem after weeks and months of unattending. The normal soap you use each day is not enough. Face wash product is the only way to make your face cleaner and dirty chemical free.

Each Face Wash Cleaner Fits a Skin Type

Many face wash exist int eh world, but their made for different skin types. People all around the world have skin types that are dry, oily, and a mix of both. I will give a more detailed explanation below.

People with dry skin need to use oil based cleaner and heavy face cream. These people have dry skin because they do not drink enough water. Sometimes, they are just genetically born with dry skin. The skin tends to get more dry in the winter. Because of this, it is wise to use this type of face cream for your face if you have dry skin. I wouldn’t recommend anything else because dry skin is dry skin. Purchase the best Korean face wash for dry skin to have better results.

Some of us have oily skin and you should use oil free foam cleanser. Write that down if you forget. Oily skin is a little tricky. You must use this to get rid of the acne on your face. Also, use if you want to look like one of the pretty girls at the lunch table.

People With Sensitive Skin Should Use This Method

People who have sensitive skin should look for face wash that has little ingredients and free of certain ingredients. Alcohol and fragrance ingredients is a huge no. Make sure the product you get does not have alcohol in it and fragrance smell. The natural stuff that does not smell is the way. With this intention, you should also avoid products that cause you irritations. Its tough to say what works best for people with sensitive skin. Sensitive skin people are the same. I can tell you, you can use tea like face wash products and you will be mostly fine. Doctors claim most people who use tea face wash products turn out better.

Lifes Lessons Series

Thoughts on 37 …..

Two weeks ago,  I turned 37.  For the first time in a while, I wasn’t alone or feeling lonely (on a birthday).   In fact, I now know I am in a good place.

Despite some of the chaos that’s been happening through the year, I find I am more secure and stable in who I am, what I want and where I am going.  I am certain of the people I have surrounding me.  I am certain there is a specific direction.  I may not always know where I’m going to land, but I can say that the road I’m traveling has been a good trip thus far.

May 29th restored me.  I shed some things I had been carrying for a while – doubt, uncertainty?  Yeah – it was time to leave them where it came from.  Best to send them right back.  Serves no use most of the time.  Or at least it wasn’t serving me.

Without further adieu, here are my “Thoughts on 37″: 

  1. Being three (3) years away from 40 is a serious wake-up call.
  2. 37 is no different from any other year. It’s just I’m different.  I’m a better me.  Lens is clearer.
  3. I feel like a unicorn at 37. At 40 I plan to feel like a fairy or a fairy queen.  When I was 25 I wasn’t even thinking about 40!! I’m staying young.
  4. I like to hear good news (see Philippians 4:8).  If you’re a nay-saying bad news bringer, I’m not checking for you and you must exit stage left immediately.
  5. Time is more important, more precious.   There is less time today than yesterday.  I’m going to spend it in a good place.
  6. This doesn’t mean tears won’t be shed.  Heartbreak isn’t a friend of mine.  It does mean, I’m less tolerant of people who bring this into my life consistently.
  7. It also means being able to go through things without getting stuck.  If there’s something happening, I need to get through it, experience it, process it, thank God I made it through it and then keep on walking.  Never look back.  I’m in no mood to turn into a pillar of salt.
  8. It also means being able to forgive.
  9. A disagreement doesn’t have to mean a dissolution (most times).
  10. Random: I’m wearing shades of red lipstick and loving it (you thought I was about to mention something about 50 Shades of Grey didn’t you? Nasty! Ha ha! Just kidding. Another story for another day).  All this to say, it’s been important for me to break out of my comfort zone on some things.
  11. There is a lesson in it all.  The good.  The bad. The traumatic.  The heart wrenching.  I’m taking notes.  I don’t like repeating classes.
  12. Motherhood and marriage are still close to my heart.
  13. It’s more important than ever to value my personal story and share it.
  14. My commitment to transparency and honesty is still a full-fledged journey.  Although I’m honest there are still many secret chambers of my heart I keep locked away for safe keeping.
  15. My level of discernment is off the charts these days.  If it ain’t right, it ain’t right.  If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck – guess what?
  16. Even though my discernment is off the charts, I  really don’t know too much of shit anymore (ironic? yes. Crazy? No.).  The longer I’m living I’m realizing there is so much more I don’t know than I do know.
  17. I am aware, more than ever, of my personal boundaries & deal breakers.
  18. As much as I love to teach and give, to help,  there will be times I cannot teach, I cannot give or offer help.  Sometimes I need to sit back, enjoy the ride and keep my mouth shut.  In fact, many things don’t need to be fixed or tampered with by me.  God’s got it under control.    (see #16 on discernment)
  19. I am aware of things I can handle, tolerate, deal with, make work.  I’m not talking myself into or out of what my gut is telling me to do or not to do.
  20. Sometimes, I’m not going to get an apology – and it’s ok. It’s not right, but it’s ok.  I’m just going to have to press on.  (See #8)
  21. God reeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllyyyyy loves me (and you).  I can’t even begin to tell all the stories on here – I will divulge some about how He’s rescued and steered me all these years.  Whew!!!
  22. Reading and prayer are keys to knowledge.  As is surrounding myself with the people who I believe have wise counsel.  I should never be afraid to ask for help or counsel especially when seeking the right people to help me. In other words, I’m not seeking water in the desert.  I only ask those I know have been where I’m at and where I’m trying to go.
  23. Everything is fine, in right order – just as it is. Right now.  Romans 8:28

Anyone else crossed this threshold?  Can you feel me?  My sisters over 40 – what was this time like in your life as you began to approach it?  Any wisdom you can impart?

Love,

Rae

Lifes Lessons Series

My Statute of Limitations

Tonight I have so much I want to say, but I can’t.  It doesn’t mean I’m holding back.  I’m not.

But when I began to write, when I began this blog, I imposed a rule that my good friend, my brother and I had.  There were some stories we wouldn’t share in real time.  They were too fresh.  Too open.  Like having a wound, an injury where you’re “cut to the white meat,”as the old folks used to say.  The moments and the memories you want to keep to yourself.  You can’t really share them with anyone else.  Maybe because they think you’re crazy? But mostly because you just want to hold them close.  Hold them so they never really leave your arms.  Hold them because you want to protect the others on the opposite end of the story.

Mostly because I rarely write in real time.  As in I don’t think I should.  I could.  I have the capacity to do so.  I have amazing stories to tell – but such is my life.  I could say all that happens from day to day, but it doesn’t serve my life cause and path.   Maybe if my blog was anonymous? But there are people who live to figure out identities.  And rightfully, I wouldn’t have met some of the amazing people in my life now if I wrote this without a name or a face.

See there is a consequence to writing in real time.  There are real people involved.  People I love.  It’s not to say I never will.  I will probably have someone live blog/live tweet my wedding one day with real time photos of the preparation for the event. It’s just to say I have the desire to protect people I care for and although there is much to be said in real time, I cannot blog about things in real time.  Because I write, because I blog, I never want anyone to feel as if their story isn’t safe.  It is.  The love, the secrets, the stories, the time spent, the crying, the confessions… they are all safe.

Maybe one day, when my life mirrors the African-American DC version of The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond, I’ll blog about my children and my husband and his friends.  My friends and sisters.  My urban garden.  My real-time recipes.  Of course I want you to know I am fully aware my life doesn’t mirror Ree’s life but Lord knows, if I can end up on a farm and making it happen like she does…. y’all will have many stories to read.  Regardless, there are many stories to be told.  By the way, do you know who the Pioneer Woman is?  Get in to her!  I love and adore her!!

I could tell you about the dinners I cook. Someday I will.  I can tell you how much love I put into it.  Didn’t know I cooked?  I do.  And I LOVE to cook.  I make amazing meals.  Meals filled with love and care, with adoration and life.

But I won’t because that’s who I am.

But y’all know where this is going right?

Is there such a thing as a statute of limitations when it comes down to people and love?  < You of course knew I was going to bring all of this up right?

Can love expire?  Is there a time to admit it all and come clean?  Can there be a safe space to talk about it where it doesn’t hurt anyone? Is there a space and time when I can express all of it and it won’t turn a person away, he won’t run?  Is there a space to make sure all of it can be shared in real time?

I don’t have the answer.

But tonight, I have a series of songs playing in the playlist in my mind, with a series of thoughts.  I think about things that were shared, things that were spoken.  I think about all of the things that are felt but not said.  The things that go unsaid.  The things I know to be true but just can’t put to words.

The stories will come in time.  Some of them will never see the light of day.  They will only exist between God, me and the third party.  There will be other stories  I save for my memoir.

There are stories I still think about today, 15 years out, where I still think I cannot tell the entire story.  It’s like a good journalist, a good reporter never revealing his/her source.  I have to be content in knowing the story without ever telling it.  Having had the experience, but never sharing it with anyone.

But the point in writing is to share and that I do.  To teach or to evoke emotion and that happens every day.

The point is to protect who and what I love.  To be able to still connect with everyone who reads and still be real.
To be able to say there is a time to talk, there is a time to shut up, there is a time to love and protect.  A time to sit still, be still.  There is a time to question and a time to know.

In all things you do, do them for the sake of love.  It’s the only thing that will ever last.

Love,

Rae

Lifes Lessons Series

Why Being Vulnerable is Valuable?

God clearly loves fools and babies.

I fall under both categories.  I am His baby and I surely act a fool. I have done outrageously foolish things and have made a whole set of specialized foolish decisions.  Repeatedly and without abandon.  Smiling and excited and acting like I was doing the right damn thing.  Really.  No faking.  I talk it ’cause I live it. Ward 7 DC. Repping fo’ the D. by way of Bomingham (aka Birmingham).  Yeah, I’m trill.  Even on my kindest, sweetest days I can rep. I have been known as ride or die.  Mostly I was a rider.

GOD has the best and most unique sense of humor I’ve ever come to know.  If you don’t think so, just look at the variety of human beings He’s placed on this earth and all of the crazy and funny things we do.  I’d like to think laughing was invented by Him.  It’s said, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.”  Needless to say, He must get a regular full belly chuckle out of me.  Hell, I laugh at me many days.

With all of the hardcore in me, I’m as soft as room temperature butter.  I cry at love scenes and movies and when Benji finally makes his way home.  I get upset when I see children who look like they don’t have anyone who cares about their whereabouts.  I love love.   I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love writing.  I love fresh flowers and good pizza and cheap wine.  I. Just. Love. Period.  As I’ve also been advised by my friend Henry, I’m a softy.

And because I’m a lover and not a fighter, I’m often the vulnerable one.  I’m the girl who likes to put herself on the line and admit she’s in love.  Even when it isn’t recommended, I’ll do it because I always secretly hope I’ll meet the one (or a facsimile thereof) who loves me as much (and shows me) as I admit I love him. In the end, it makes me susceptible to many things – both good and bad.  There is much to be said for that kind of vulnerability.

I also realize how rare it is these days.

Has anyone read Watchman Nee’s The Release of the Spirit?  It talks about how God consecrates us.  How much our makeup is like the construction of the egg.  With a hard outer shell.  The egg white and the yolk.  And how God causes that outer shell to crack and fortifies us so that when others look to us, they see God and not just us with our flaws and difficulties.  If they do see those flaws, it’s that moment people see the flaws as divine.  Really, this is a blessing.

The reality of it is vulnerability is a blessing for the following reasons:

  1. It cracks you wide open.  Whether good or bad, there’s no expansion, growth, metamorphosis or increase when you stay in your shell.
  2. It frees you.  Being bound is the worst thing in the world.
  3. It frees and helps others.  Seeing someone who isn’t bound up, isn’t shackled, encourages and builds up others.

So I could be called foolish in some ways.  I mean I’m not over here draining my bank account and giving money out.  I’m just open to all of the good and the possibilities that can come my way.

Writing over this last month has made me extremely vulnerable.  Anyone who is a creative, who shares publicly?  Vulnerable. Anyone who decides to love another human or quasi-human? Vulnerable.  Starting a new job, business, personal endeavor? Vulnerable.

There’s no real way to avoid it.  At some point in time, we’ll all be ass out.  It seems I’m often ass out but it becomes me. I just decided I didn’t want to run and hide anymore.  It takes too much effort and time.

So here I am.  Sometimes with my ass flapping in the wind, sometimes flying by the seat of my pants.  There are times when it definitely backfires, but more times than not, my vulnerability has richly rewarded me. Sometimes I’m embarrassed.  But the vulnerability has been an asset.  I’ve learned to turn it into one.

I’ve found my greatest love, my greatest lessons and my greatest gains in these moments.   But really, what do we have to lose?  What could we gain from it?

Love,
Rae

Lifes Lessons Series

Hello, I am President of the Negro Procrastination Society…

Are you always on time? Early?  Do you turn in your projects weeks before deadline? Are you the person who has their Christmas shopping done with the presents wrapped by October? Do you plan meals out for months in advance?  Do you follow your budget?  Are you disciplined?

Then this post is NOT for you.  It’s for the procrastinators such as myself.  But if you’re orderly, we still love you. In fact, us procrastinators need you in our lives.

Hello, my name is Raegan Mathis and I am President and Founder of the Negro Procrastination Society for Colored Folk.

I accepted this position last week after God and I had a talk.  Actually, we were boxing – I box with Him a lot.  I lose all the time, but I’m like Jacob in that way.  We have regular talks about blessings.  This time was no different – I still lost. I win, because I lost.

Mostly because I felt convicted about the areas of my life where I’m slacking.  There was this realization I’m giving too much attention to the wrong areas of my life.  It’s more so that the priorities I have are being set out in the wrong order.  Period.  I have priorities.  However all of them aren’t in first place for attention.  Not only that, but I’m not working at my best possible potential and I need to figure out why.  Is it fear? If so, of what?

Really, it comes down to compartmentalizing and focusing respectively on things in a more efficient and satisfying way than I have been.

In other words, it’s time to go hard or go home. It basically comes down to the fact that I need to stop that shit.  At this point in my life, there is too much at stake to lose something because I sit on the opportunity until the last minute,  then want to cry and lay out because I missed out.  I have control over seizing those opportunities or not.

What’s interesting is I don’t know where I get this procrastination gene from.  Both of my parents are mad organized and in fact have OCD to a certain extent about how they want things, about being on time, about planning early to the best of their abilities. I am really crazy about certain things – like the bathroom and kitchen being clean, my bedroom being clean, no dishes in the sink, whether or not I turned the stove off (I’ve been known to come back home and check it), I check for my phone, keys and wallet all the time.  I know.  But when it comes down to work – job, blog, book, apps for opportunities, business things for life, I clock out sometimes.  I wait until the very last minute to make things happen.

I think it’s because I’ve gotten away with it too many times.  There have been so many times, I’ve been able to “pull it off” so to speak that I’m exhilarated by the rush I get when make things happen.  But why do I have to be like that? That whole – let me leave at 3pm when I know I have a flight at 5pm and it might take 45 minutes to get to the airport, but I’ll make it business…is not the business.  It’s almost like I’m daring myself to see if I can do it.

It’s the wrong attitude.

I don’t want to keep testing the waters on things.  I just need to get busy and at the very least, do the work I need to do.  Be on time, be early.  Get the work done I’ve set out to do or have on my plate.

I mean, how else do you succeed? Sure there are people who receive everything just handed to them – but there’s a cost.  There’s always a cost.  Procrastination has a cost too.  And I can definitely say I’ve paid the price for it over the years.  I was thinking about two things – Marianne Williamson said, if I may paraphrase it to read as I understand it – that God basically holds your blessings for you.  They are yours.  So it’s not like He’s out here giving away your book deal or that house you have your eyes on.  Then there is the other side – how many times was God ready to give me something but I wasn’t ready?  I hadn’t done the necessary work to even handle what He was going to put on the table.   So I’m the one who’s holding God up?  How is He going to give me anything else when I’m not properly caring for what He’s given me now?

Yeah, I need to get myself together.

As we watch people succeed and get the things they want out of life, it’s not that they’re smarter or better.  Maybe they are better at what they’re doing than others, but mostly it’s because they are working.  And they’re working hard.  They’re working when we’re procrastinating.  They’re up making designs and plans.  In other words, excuse my french, they’re not fucking around all the time.

Procrastinators are a unique group.  I’ve read something to the tune of us being perfectionists.  We wait until the last minute because we know we won’t get it just the way we want it.  Again, my theory is that I’m bored and not using my gifts in the right way – mostly why I started this blog.  This for sure happens at work where I have a project that has 7568 parts to it or more and I’m like ohhh, lemme just wait one week until it’s due and I have to stay up all night, all week, in order to get it done. Who does that? I do.

I also believe many procrastinators are at damn near genius level.  Like how else, besides for the grace of God do we manage to pull things off? That’s a blessing.  That’s ingenuity.  But we’re using that power in the wrong way.

It should be used to get ahead – not keep up.

I know if I stopped procrastinating, I’d win more.  I wouldn’t have room to be upset.  I’d know I had put forth my best effort. Procrastination is self-sabotage in it’s worst form.  Mostly because it’s a silent, slow way to sabotage our own success.

Fact: Did you know that ONE(1) hour of proper planning will save you 200 hours of correction?

I want you to think about it.  How many hours have I spent chasing my tail all because I was too lazy, too afraid, too nervous, too whatever to do the one hour of work I needed to do that would change my life?

Look, planning and preparation and the non-slack for whatever it is I want to do will not only bless and honor my life, but it gives me the chance to bless and honor the lives of my family and friends.  I get to help them when I have time and money.  I love my life and I love myself.  When I’m procrastinating all of the time, it doesn’t show the love.  When I procrastinate, I’m saying things aren’t important enough, I’m not important enough, to handle these things in advance.

I call foolishness and bullshit.  Because we know better.  I’ve been out here doing what I want to do, when I should be doing what I’m supposed to do.

Sidenote: I started reading Judy Smith’s Good Self, Bad Self and it’s about managing your good and bad qualities (self) to avoid crisis. She says the very qualities that make us successful are the same ones that can take us down.  The quality in itself has both a good property when managed correctly and a bad one when not – opposite sides of the coin.  That thing right there sat me down and made me think.  I’m still reading and still thinking.  Like – if I know by waiting until the last minute will produce nothing but a headache and possible failure, why do I do it?  Is that a quality I can turn on it’s head?  What’s the opposite side of this and how do I get to it? When I get the answers – because I will – I will report back.  Wayment – do you know the answer to this? Leave me a comment below.

One other thing, sometimes, procrastinating makes us feel better.  Having to actually DO something may mean it’s not something we hate or dread.  In fact, maybe we know it’s going to be painful.  Hence why we’re ignoring it.  Hmmmm….but maybe it still needs to be done.  There’s too much to list on all of the things I don’t want to do, but I will say when I do the things I’ve been avoiding, I feel better about myself and it causes less worry.  Avoidance doesn’t make the matter go away. It’s like hiding under the covers as a child from the monsters in your closet. If they really are in there do the covers save us?

So today, if there’s something you’ve been putting off that you know will benefit your life, let’s stop right now and spend one uninterrupted hour just doing that thing.  It may be research, a phone call, looking for something you’ve lost, prepping your family for something, putting in that job application, going to the doctor,  searching for new opportunities or brainstorming.  It could also mean, just cleaning your house so you can see the floor and actually use your kitchen.  I’m just saying.

What’s been your experience procrastinating? Any recovering procrastinators out there? Any advice on how you managed to change?  Comment below or tweet me @fromraewithlove.  If you’d like to join the Negro Procrastination Society, just tweet me and let me know.  We’ll have to keep an eye on each other.

I’m going to do better.  We’re going to do better.

Love,

Rae

Lifes Lessons Series

If You Don’t Like My Peaches Why Do You Shake My Tree?

My name is Blossom
I was raised in a lions den
My name is Blossom
I was raised in a lions den
My nightly occupation
Stealing other womens men
I’m an evil evil woman
But I want to do a man some good
I’m an evil evil woman
But I want to do a man some good
I’m Gina Lola Bridgietta
I ain’t red riding hood
If you don’t like my peaches, baby, why do you shake my tree?
If you don’t like my peaches, baby, why do you shake my tree?
Get out of my orchid, baby
Let my peach tree be
Now don’t you ooh skoodla doo skoodli dee
And I won’t ya ya doo doo
If you don’t ooh skookdla doo
Then I won’t ya ya doo doo
So don’t you ooh skoodla doo skoodli dee
And I won’t ya ya doo doo
Some men like me cause I’m happy
Some think I’m snappy
Some call me honey
And some think I’ve got
But Grey Brown told me that I was built for speed
You put them all together
Everything a good man needs
You put them all together
Everything a good man needs

– Blossom’s Blues

The titles says it all.  Do you understand what it really means?

In my version, it asks what does it mean to really have someone who’s interested in you?  Or not.  I mean, in other words….

If you’re not interested, why are you steaming up my tail???

It may be Blossom’s Blues, but damn if I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

Ever been with someone who is hot one day and cold the next?  I can’t.  I think I used to be able to tolerate it, but at this point in the game, I can’t handle it any more.  So, if you’re shaking my tree, you better be loving these peaches.

Was just listening to this song the other day coming home thinking about all of the places and stages of being I’ve been in with relationships.  You’re into him, he’s not into you.  He’s into you, you’re not into him. The two of you are just friends with benefits.  You are getting benefits, he’s getting none.  He’s getting benefits…you’re getting few.  Y’all bye.  I can’t!!!!  Does anyone feel me?

I think about this time last year and I was in a totally different dynamic than I am now.  In fact, I feel bad for that position that I was in at the time.  It wasn’t something I would take on now.  I should have been in a very different position altogether.  While I wouldn’t do it again, I am thankful for the lessons it taught me because it launched me on to other lessons that needed to be learned during 2011 so I could move on to the goodness of 2012.  And trust me — 2012 is shaping up to be beautiful.  I am thankful for all of God’s blessings.

Funny how God allows you to go through certain things, plow through the fields and the layers in order to get to your best self, your best life, your best “crop” so to speak.

I say all that to say, I’m working on a balance as we speak.   Accepting grace.  Putting it all together.  Preserving my peaches.  No more tree shaking for me.

Where are you in this year?  Allowing people to shake your tree? Collecting and preserving your own peaches?  I mean, tell me…how are you?