God clearly loves fools and babies.
I fall under both categories. I am His baby and I surely act a fool. I have done outrageously foolish things and have made a whole set of specialized foolish decisions. Repeatedly and without abandon. Smiling and excited and acting like I was doing the right damn thing. Really. No faking. I talk it ’cause I live it. Ward 7 DC. Repping fo’ the D. by way of Bomingham (aka Birmingham). Yeah, I’m trill. Even on my kindest, sweetest days I can rep. I have been known as ride or die. Mostly I was a rider.
GOD has the best and most unique sense of humor I’ve ever come to know. If you don’t think so, just look at the variety of human beings He’s placed on this earth and all of the crazy and funny things we do. I’d like to think laughing was invented by Him. It’s said, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.” Needless to say, He must get a regular full belly chuckle out of me. Hell, I laugh at me many days.
With all of the hardcore in me, I’m as soft as room temperature butter. I cry at love scenes and movies and when Benji finally makes his way home. I get upset when I see children who look like they don’t have anyone who cares about their whereabouts. I love love. I love my family. I love my friends. I love writing. I love fresh flowers and good pizza and cheap wine. I. Just. Love. Period. As I’ve also been advised by my friend Henry, I’m a softy.
And because I’m a lover and not a fighter, I’m often the vulnerable one. I’m the girl who likes to put herself on the line and admit she’s in love. Even when it isn’t recommended, I’ll do it because I always secretly hope I’ll meet the one (or a facsimile thereof) who loves me as much (and shows me) as I admit I love him. In the end, it makes me susceptible to many things – both good and bad. There is much to be said for that kind of vulnerability.
I also realize how rare it is these days.
Has anyone read Watchman Nee’s The Release of the Spirit? It talks about how God consecrates us. How much our makeup is like the construction of the egg. With a hard outer shell. The egg white and the yolk. And how God causes that outer shell to crack and fortifies us so that when others look to us, they see God and not just us with our flaws and difficulties. If they do see those flaws, it’s that moment people see the flaws as divine. Really, this is a blessing.
The reality of it is vulnerability is a blessing for the following reasons:
- It cracks you wide open. Whether good or bad, there’s no expansion, growth, metamorphosis or increase when you stay in your shell.
- It frees you. Being bound is the worst thing in the world.
- It frees and helps others. Seeing someone who isn’t bound up, isn’t shackled, encourages and builds up others.
So I could be called foolish in some ways. I mean I’m not over here draining my bank account and giving money out. I’m just open to all of the good and the possibilities that can come my way.
Writing over this last month has made me extremely vulnerable. Anyone who is a creative, who shares publicly? Vulnerable. Anyone who decides to love another human or quasi-human? Vulnerable. Starting a new job, business, personal endeavor? Vulnerable.
There’s no real way to avoid it. At some point in time, we’ll all be ass out. It seems I’m often ass out but it becomes me. I just decided I didn’t want to run and hide anymore. It takes too much effort and time.
So here I am. Sometimes with my ass flapping in the wind, sometimes flying by the seat of my pants. There are times when it definitely backfires, but more times than not, my vulnerability has richly rewarded me. Sometimes I’m embarrassed. But the vulnerability has been an asset. I’ve learned to turn it into one.
I’ve found my greatest love, my greatest lessons and my greatest gains in these moments. But really, what do we have to lose? What could we gain from it?