Too Easy to Date: The Promise Not to Struggle Date


Hey Loves!  It’s the weekend, so what better time than for me to discuss dating?!!! I think I heard a collective sigh and a few moans.  You can hate me now.

I was sitting here reflecting about the dates of years past, when I came to the realization

“it’s easy to date me when you’re the one who benefits.”

This mostly came about after spending the day with some friends a while back when a friend’s husband told me -”Rae, you’re too accomodating. Most men will never understand or appreciate that. You’re going to have to toughen up a bit.”  He’s a coach and coming from him, I had to think about it and he was right.  I needed to pull it together and stop trying to do all the work.

I’m jumping into it today with no holds barred.  I realized recently I no longer enjoy the dating process – so I’ve altered it.  There may be an attraction these days but there at least has to be a basis for friendship.  For the friendship to grow into love.  For the love to take a turn for romance. Even if I’m feeling all of those at once.

However, when you tend to be a giver, it’s easy for the other person to date you.  They end up not having enough to do since we’re giving all the time.  You give and give.  Then you give more. When you don’t think you can give anything else, you act on borrowed time and love and give more.  We all have the reserve. Problem is, sometimes we end up with someone who depletes it and we’re looking around.

Due to previous situations – some foreseen, others not to much, my bank is empty for loans. While I continuously love and give, it’s at a different level these days.  I give to a level and then I evaluate.

Case in point – if you’re always the one setting up dates, making calls and making the effort to see the other person – why wouldn’t they go out with you? All return with no work.  You never give them the chance to actually make a solid effort to show you if they’re interested.  So when you finally stop and look around and are wondering why they never do anything?  The first question to ask is if they were interested in you in the first place or were they interested in what you had to offer.  I often find people are more interested in what you have to offer them than what they are willing to offer you.  Better yet they aren’t often interested in you.  Not the real you.  The you who has no makeup on and has $3.00 to her name and is about to have a “pantry party” and eat directly from the pantry and the freezer.

It’s exhausting and it’s a pace that can’t be maintained.  These days, if someone is interested they have to make a solid effort to get into my space.  If not, I’m fine with the person exiting stage left.

Maybe it’s the years behind me, maybe it’s the situations I’ve had to endure these last few years. I’m over the process of having to do all the work.

No more struggle dating.

Are you too agreeable when it comes to dating?  Are you doing most of the hard work?  Do you often find yourself on the giving end?