To Check For (verb)

[tu chek fawr]

Definition: To keep up with someone, to check in on them, to act like you give a damn. To have their back when they need you.  To support them.  To love them when they act a fool.

So who’s checkin’ for you?

I use this term often on the blog because I love it.  It’s an old school term but it’s timely.  I’ve talked about it a few times.

Just thought I would ask to see if you know who’s on your team and gives a flying hippopotamus about you?  Who are you checkin’ for?  Are they showing you the same kind of love?

Fact is, the people who I care about – I try to make sure they know I am there for them and love them.  If any of them happen to be reading this – let me tell you first hand and publicly how much I love you and you mean to me.

Sometimes, I’m not able to be there for them as I would like to be.  Other days I fall short. But I give a damn.  They matter to me and I’m pretty sure they know it.  If I do, it’s impossible not to know.   Because if I’m not here tomorrow then what will happen?  I don’t want them to ever think for one minute I didn’t love them.

But really, I also know who’s checking for me.  I may be sweet and fluffy and whatnot (I am!) but it has nothing to do with my capacity to see when people are for me or not.  Not that they’re necessarily against me.  It’s just they’re not on my team.  I’m on theirs but they’re not on mine.  It’s like following someone you really like on Twitter, someone you really know or connect with – and they don’t follow you back.  Or they mute you.   Or people who are always asking you to support their events but then you throw a party and crickets come out after they promise to promote it for you.  These things…


Get an abrupt stop and a side-eye.  An evaluation.  And possibly a disconnect.
Or maybe you always find yourself doing all of the helping, the caring, the advising, the assisting, the supporting,  the picking up, the paying, the protecting, the loving, the worrying – without any reciprocation?  I’ll tell you what, it’s not the business and I have been checking for myself lately.

Yeah, so these days, I’m not on that ship any more.  When it comes down to it, it doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be seasons where people need you.  There are.  Support and love them.  But you can’t look five years back and realize you’re the only person who’s checking for anybody.  It can’t work that way.

From one softy to another, stop being such a pushover.  Stand your ground –  equal rights my friend.

Special note:  asking for some shit things from someone who flat out isn’t capable of giving it to you will only upset you, give you high blood pressure and an appointment with your living room floor.  Demanding something from someone who WON’T give it to you might mean you have to break.  Sometimes, people just can’t give you what you’re looking for or won’t.  It’s ok.  Move forward my love.  Press onward.

*drops mic*