Watching Les Brown the other day and he spoke about how life tends to dump all of this stuff in the midst of what we were planning to do. But then he also said something else that spoke to me:
You have to fight for what you want.
Apparently, [it] is whatever is the most important thing to me at the time or in my life or sphere. Which causes me to wonder how many times I’ve fought over something that really wasn’t worth the fight. Or how many times I realized in the middle of a struggle for something, maybe I didn’t want it that bad. Hmmm… or was it I just wasn’t supposed to have it?
How do you choose what to fight for, what to fight over, who you fight with and what you just walk away from or let go?
For me, it’s been mostly about love or a chance to do something I wanted to do.
Then again, there were times in the middle of the figurative fight, I realized I didn’t want that man that bad. I didn’t want the job. I didn’t want to be somewhere. I didn’t want to work on that project. Sometimes, I was just fighting for the sake of trying to win. Other times, it took me getting there to realize I didn’t want to be there.
This close to 40, the desire to fight for someone, something or some other thing I feel mediocre about is just old and some days, just the thought makes me tired.
I don’t enjoy pointless conflict. There has to be something in the midst worth the risk of getting cut (figuratively or literally).
At the same time, you have to be careful to know when it’s really your fight. I mean, everything we’re fighting about or for isn’t always our cause. We cape and take up the business of fighting battles we don’t need to fight.
So I need to offer a few points on fighting for what you want:
- Fight for the people you most want in your life and the relationships that are most important to you. The people who drive you, wake you up in the middle of the night, the people who you love and who love you. While it may not be something you necessarily “win,” knowing you did everything, you will sleep better at night.
- Fight for the things you’re obsessed over. The bucket list items you can’t stop thinking about. it’s worth it.
- Fight for your time.
- Fight for the people you love. I’m telling you – this is so important. I’m putting it on the list twice. And you know, I know it’s not easy. At all. Ever. It’s really not easy when they aren’t in the battle with you.
- Fight for your place in this world.
- Choose someone, if you can, who will fight for you. They will go to battle on your behalf if needed. My personal suggestion is to marry someone like this. Let me know if I’m wrong in the comments. Sidenote: (very important sidenote) If you find the person never really fights for you – and that will look different for you than it may for me, you need to re-evaluate their position.
- Sometimes, just like I mentioned above, you may find out you either don’t want something or maybe you’re in the wrong place and with the wrong people – after you fought so hard to get there. My suggestion is to evaluate if you’re just having a moment or if it’s really the wrong thing or place. Mostly because, no matter what — you can always quit, leave, cut and run.
- When fighting, only YOU really know what deserves that fight. No one can tell you. No one else. You have to get REAL with yourself. I’ve seen
myselfpeople fighting the wrong battles. We’re often so turned around by loss, heartbreak, disaster and bad decisions we don’t know which way to swing the axe. This means sometimes you need to retreat to your corner and make sure you’re not fighting yourself. Be your best ally – not your worst enemy.
- Don’t fight just for the sake of fighting. You need to save your energy. There will come a time in your life where you may wish you had the energy to save that which you truly want. See number 5 above and this post and this one for further thoughts on ways to choose and things to remember in preparation for the fight. Because if you keep fighting needless battles, you’ll be tired. A tired warrior is a often a dead one. You won’t have the strength to keep up the fight. When the time comes for you to fight for the things most important to you, you’ll be so worn out you will miss the opportunity. Know how to end a fight. Know when to stop fighting. Everything isn’t war. Everything shouldn’t be war. There have to be times of peace or else there’s no point in fighting. This isn’t fight club. Pull it together and fight for peace.
I promise you, I’ve fought. And I’m a Detroit girl who passed through Birmingham. Locale matters. True grit. I’ve fought and won. I’ve fought and lost. I’ve given up in the middle of the fight and just ran off.
I don’t like to fight. But guess what, I learned you have to protect what’s most valuable. For who and what are most valuable, I’m going to fight. I’m going to take claim and responsibility. Often times there will be the fight of your life feeling. You’re in the midst. You’re in the dirt, the mud, in the ring. But you better fight for it.
It’s just that as Les Brown mentioned if you don’t fight for what you want, the world has a way of running you over, has a way of making sure your dreams never come true. All those things get mowed over in the cosmos. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. You fight for those, for yourself, for your loves.
What and who are you fighting for? What are your recommendations for fighting for what you want?
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