I haven’t written anything since around the first part of the year. Not because I don’t love writing, but well, because I seriously thought about quitting.
Hold on – stay with me…. this blog is about telling the truth right? So I’m going to tell it.
Yup, I thought about quitting the blog and leaving it up here as a testament and then moving on to something else – like writing an e-book and shit since everyone else is doing it. Did you know I’ve basically written an entire book over the last year of tapping these keys on this blog? I also think that last sentence sent me into a tail spin a few weeks ago as well. As a writer, as a creative, as an introvert (yes, I’m an introvert), we often retreat unto ourselves in order to be able to get things done. Introverts need to be alone, or in my case just at home in peace with some alone time (doesn’t have to be spent fully alone). Although it can be that thing the renews me, it’s also the time I have the most doubts. In another post, Choosing Right in 2013 and Beyond, I talked about still quiet moments.
Those are the times the difficult decisions are made. It’s those moments when no one can see you (or me for that matter) and we have to make decisions that may affect our lives for a long time to come. The quiet times are also the ones when I sit still and deal with how I feel about something that’s happened, or someone or myself. It’s not always easy.
I let some things someone said and did affect me for a series of weeks. And well, to the strongest and the best of us - it happens. The funny thing is it happens in waves. One thing happens, then another – like there’s no break in it all. That’s why I’m writing about it. I want you to know, I think and have thought about quitting the blog – not all of us admit it. Although I’m strong, I’m resilient, I’m not immune to the things people say and do.
Then, I got trolled on twitter. That’s when I finally realized that it’s only when you’re on the verge of something truly important, you get all of the naysayers, the doubters, the haters and the negative events. It’s MEANT to be a distraction from what you’re (I’m) supposed to be doing. If I stop writing and sharing, stop what I’m doing, there’s no one here to tell my story – there’s no one here to express the things God means to do through me. Why should I let anyone stop that? That being said, I may have been slowed down, but it doesn’t mean I’m quitting.
Note: Slowing down doesn’t mean you’ve quit.
So, no – I’m not quitting. I’m not going anywhere. There’s value in what I do – even if it’s just for me. Although I don’t have all of the answers, this blog and the things I present aren’t meant to have all the answers. I write to record things. I write to make sure I am sharing the things that have happened to me – so that maybe, just maybe you: 1) know you’re not alone 2) can learn from what’s happened to me 3) get a good laugh from time to time 4) know it’s ok to take a break from time to time 5) there’s value in being transparent and brave.
I am also in the process of deciding on changes to From Rae With Love. I’ve been saying that for a year now and well, sometimes life gets in the way and other things take precedent but it will have been worth the wait when it finally gets done.
I say all of this to say, if you’re thinking about quitting something you’ve wanted to do all your life, dreamed about – because of your own doubt or someone else’s; because you’re faced with a lot of challenges; because it’s not currently popular; if people are talking about you and your feelings are hurt? Press on. It’ll be worth it. Give them more to talk about. Make it worth their while.
If you’re thinking about quitting – don’t.
Get yourself together. Slow down if you need to. Let people walk away (just the ones that really want to go). Walk away from those that are hurting you. Surround yourself with people who you really love and adore. Find new and important things you love and adore. Hide out like an ostrich for a while. Drink bottles of wine. Pray. Clean.
Buy$200 worth of candles and incense and other home items and spend reckless amounts of money on decadent cheese and cheap wine and awesome brunches and crafts you don’t need and creating vision boards out of expensive paper and creating long ass run on sentences like this one. Sleep in. Talk aimless walks (not the kind where you don’t come back, just the kind where you don’t have a set destination). Retreat, plan, regroup, execute and then stunt on these muthas out here. I’m just saying – that’s what it amounts to – or that’s what I did. By the time you do all of that, you’ll find your mojo again and your way back. Holla at me in the comments….