I often have life epiphanies when I am in the middle of those solitary moments to include but not be limited to:
- Cleaning
- Washing dishes
- Taking a shower
- Driving
- Cooking
- Somewhere in the middle of twilight sleep
- Reading
Not that you needed any of the above information about me, but I’m throwing it in there as a bonus. Added note: we need those quiet times to have those “aha” moments. Moving on….
I was washing dishes today and for some reason I was thinking about calling an old friend I grew up with. Then for some reason, I decided not to make that phone call. Mostly because some things are better left where they are.
I think back to all of the times when I think of people and look them up, only to be disappointed. About how many “dead” relationships I attempted to resurrect in the name of being a good person, someone who has the spirit of reconciliation, etc etc. But aren’t some things better left unturned?
When I was a little girl, a tomboy to be precise, we used to like looking for the large rocks that we could actually pick up. Mostly because they held a plethora of things that could be found underneath there that would scatter when the daylight would hit. We’d lift the rock and then see what would run out from it and then try and collect the things in a jar – good times. I used to love it! Once we even found a nest of baby rabbits. One decided to run away. I promptly saved him from the boys and took him home to my mother. She about lost her mind when she saw it but commended me for my heroic efforts.
Since then, I have unturned a lot of figurative rocks. Some rocks in my own life where the light needed to shine so to speak. Other rocks where I should have left them right where they were. Remember, things hide under rocks for a reason.
Not sure why this was on my mind today, but I was thinking about reconciliation. What it means and how far I’m really supposed (read – willing) to go in the name of keeping the peace, in the name of restoring the peace. And should I always be the one who initiates this? I wrote about giving people the gift of goodbye a while back. However, it’s always so difficult to peace out on those people who you love the most especially when you still adore them. Or is this just me who feels like this?
How many times do I reach out before I have to just call it a wrap and take it as a loss? And why is it that our relationships and friendships just can’t go back to being simple and honorable anymore?
Sometimes I wish I could just walk away and not look back. And maybe that’s really what it’s about – being able to finally walk away and not look back, not having to wonder if I did all I could do. When I say good-bye I like to make sure it won’t be for the lack of trying on my part. I like to make sure I’m ready to walk away because when I do, I’m not planning to go back. I may distance myself at times, but I do like to be slow to completely end a friendship. It actually makes me upset to lose people I love. The thing is though, if your friends and relationships aren’t serving you and you’re always serving them, then maybe it’s time to do something different. Maybe it’s time to have a seat and stop the doing.
There is a limit to outreach. It may hurt at first, but sometimes, it’s just the way it is. And sometimes, it’s good not to reach out just because it’s nice to know that if I don’t come reconciling with you, that you’ll come and reconcile with me. Relationships should be symbiotic, not parasitic.
Raenote : I will say if it’s involving a parent, sibling, child, spouse, long-time friend or REALLY special someone then it’s appropriate to go the extra mile. When it’s some random person who you spend only a few hours with at a time and gives you more foolishness than peace – then peace that shit out.
I think some things are better left alone. Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are better left under the rock.
And some people things you should throw rocks at – just saying.
Love Y’all,
Rae
